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Mіke MсCаrthy іѕ асtively deѕtroyіng the Cowboyѕ from wіthіn аfter lаteѕt DC uрdаte

Mike McCarthy, Dallas Cowboys
Mike McCarthy, Dallas Cowboys / Perry Knotts/GettyImages

Fact: You can still be a buffoon in the rain, even if your team plays inside. I’m trying, Jennifer, to stay sane in a world that is aggressively choosing to not make sense any more. Some people would say I’m at wit’s end, but that was years ago, and this is now… This has everything to do with the absolute lunacy that is the Dallas Cowboys. Send in the clowns because Mike McCarthy is driving this bus.

This is the same man who openly lied to Jerry Jones during their sleepover about watching every down the Cowboys played in his year out of football from inside his Appleton, Wisconsin barn. Well, like Jack Garbarino, I have never been to a gym even once in my life, as we are all cool liars, unlike Michigan… The movement we are seeing across the league is staggering, as we must be on our feet.

After supposedly interviewing former Washington Commanders head coach Ron Rivera for the defensive coordinator gig that Dan Quinn left to replace Rivera in the nation’s capital, the Cowboys apparently interviewed former New York Jets and Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan for the vacancy. This is odder than reaching into one’s past to hire Mike Zimmer like we are still living in 2006, people.

Who wants a snack? Like Ron Swanson, I have the toes that I have, two more than Deion Sanders.

All the while, McCarthy seems to be screwing the pooch with the Cowboys’ best internal candidate.

If Aden Durde crushes it for Mike Macdonald in Seattle, the Cowboys may have new staff in 2024.

Mike McCarthy spite hiring Rex Ryan as his DC would be beyond hilarious

I have to be honest. Every time I try to write or say something nice about America’s Team, I end up looking like a complete bozo in the end. Like Nickelback, this is how you remind me of what I really am. Are we seriously about to live in a world where McCarthy is going to flip a coin like Harvey Dent once did, only to realize it is silver side up every single time? This glorified hype machine is full of hot air…

I don’t even know what to say any more about them Cowboys. If I were calling the shots, I would have fired McCarthy after his latest huge, embarrassing failure in the postseason. Also, I would have never hired him in the first place! There is only one thing people love more than their own families, and that is control. For as long as Jerry Jones is still in charge, this is just how it is going to be over in Dallas.

I cannot wait to see how Ryan’s Bills Mafia truck looks with a new paint job rolling into the parking lot over at The Star in Frisco. It is not about the make or the model, but how you rock it. I may have a car that is older than Benjamin Solak, but I know a bad coaching hire idea if I saw one. I wasn’t born last night. I was born at happy hour on a Monday in the year of our Swiftie Lord Taylor in the fall of 1989.

The only way I will accept this Ryan hire is if Rob comes along too. and it will be airing on Hard Knocks.